Today’s Chatter

The Outsiders - Left Field

Back to my choices for best player at each position not in the Hall of Fame. Left field is an unusual position, being that the top two are no-brainers based on their on-field accomplishments, but outside reasons have kept both out. There is also a huge drop off from #2 to #3. I would not advocate HOF induction for anyone below that position, but they all had notable careers.

1. Barry Bonds (182 OPS+, 162.8 bWAR)

2. Pete Rose (118, 79.5)

3. George Foster (126, 44.1)

4. Matt Holliday (132, 44.5)

5. Pedro Guerrero (137, 34.5)

6. Jose Cruz (120, 54.4)

7. Lance Berkman (144, 51.9)

8. Albert Belle (144, 40.1)

9. Sid Gordon (129, 38.2)

10. Wally Moon (118, 24.9)

Every single baseball fan has made their judgement on Bonds one way or the other. I’ll simply say that before he essentially broke the game young, nimble Barry Bonds was the greatest player I have ever seen until Mike Trout came along. He had the perfect power/speed combo & was an exceptional fielder as well. I could have placed Pete Rose in any one of several positions, but I believe he created the most value as a left fielder. I haven’t yet gotten a chance to catch the recent HBO documentary on Rose, suffice it to say that he is a textbook example of being one’s own worst enemy. Great hitter, terrible human being.

George Foster was one of the game’s top power hitters in a decade in which home runs were slightly down. No one in the 1970’s had a single season total better than the 52 he hit in his 1977 MVP year. Matt Holliday was a pure hitter. It’s true that playing in Denver elevated his numbers, but while playing in St. Louis he proved that his production was not a simple Coors Field illusion. Maybe one day he will actually touch home plate on that 2007 tie-breaking game slide.

Pedro Guerrero is another player who could have been slotted in any number of positions, but he bounced around the field because he was a butcher at whichever position he was placed. But damn, he could hit. His career totals aren’t all that great because he didn’t receive regular playing time until his age 25 season, and when his decline phase began it progressed rapidly. Make no mistake, he was an outstanding hitter in his prime and was one of the 3 players who shared the MVP award in the 1981 World Series. Jose Cruz was a darling of the advanced metrics crowd. He hit few home runs because he played half his games in the Astrodome, but on the other hand he used his exceptional speed and alley power to take advantage of his home park and make himself into a valuable asset for a good decade.

Lance Berkman largely avoided the Astrodome, instead spending the majority of his career with his home park being the stadium formerly known as Enron Field. Often outshadowed by more high profile teammates, he was a clear example of a player who provided consistent production without flash; a very underrated player. Albert Belle was certainly not underrated; there is bold type all over his Baseball Reference page. His career comes with an air of “what could have been?” as it abruptly ended with a serious hip injury while he was still a productive hitter. He was driven by pure rage, so he didn’t exactly make for a sympathetic figure, but it’s hard not to imagine that he could have made a serious HOF run with a full career.

Sid Gordon had a couple of big years pre-integration, but his best ones came post-1947, garnering MVP votes in 5 consecutive seasons. Wally Moon, who was a strong candidate for the Unibrow Hall of Fame, completes the list. He won a Rookie of the Year award, and was one of the Dodgers’ best players in their earliest years in Los Angeles.

Next week I’ll look at center field. As opposed to left, there are plenty of guys at that position for whom one can make a reasonable argument.

Classic SNL Recap - Season 12, Episode 1

Season 11 of SNL was one of those years in which I watched the season premiere, thought it stunk, & walked away from the show. I didn’t immediately return upon the beginning of season 12; I was fairly confident that the show had a nice run, but it was time to move on. I quickly started hearing talk that it had gotten funny again, so I decided to give it One Last Chance. I picked a good episode, it was #3 hosted by Rosanna Arquette & included the classic sketch in which the devil appeared on The People’s Court. SNL was back, baby!

Half of the cast was new, and those newcomers helped spur a renaissance. Dana Carvey was the face of the show in this new era, and he was all over the premiere, but he wasn’t the only star. I’m pretty sure that during the 50 year celebration the internet will be filled with all sorts of lists ranking the top cast members. I won’t attempt something like that - there are so many to choose from that it’s a near impossible task - but if pressed I would easily place Phil Hartman in the top 10, maybe even top 5. He was a brilliant impressionist, and he also made for a great straight man when needed. Plus, he came up with two of my favorite recurring characters - Gene the Anal Retentive Guy, and Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer. Jan Hooks was an unsung gem; she was so consistently good in whichever role she played.

The cold open addressed the elephant in the room. Madonna, who hosted the previous season’s premiere episode, read a statement of apology from NBC, stating that the last year was only a dream. (This episode aired shortly after Dallas’s infamous Bobby Ewing in the shower moment.) Sigourney Weaver was the host this week, and in her monologue she brought on stage famous playwright Christopher Durang. They promised to perform an extended scene from a Brecht/Weill opera, after which the camera cut to the control room frantically screaming to go to commercial. I suppose a late night comedy audience wasn’t a crowd eager to watch some Bertolt Brecht on national TV.

The first sketch of the evening introduced one of the show’s most enduring characters. It was time for Church Chat. Some of the standard elements of the sketch were already in place - there was no dance at the end, but the Church Lady had the self righteous air, the “isn’t that special” catchphrase, and the obsession with Satan. Her first three guests were Durang as himself (one of his most famous plays was Sister Mary Ignatius Explains All, so you can bet the Church Lady had some harsh words for him) along with Hooks as actress Sally Kellerman & Nora Dunn as Ann Landers. There was also a 4th guest. Hmm, a couple of years earlier Weaver had starred in a movie in which her character was famously possessed by a demon. Fully committed to the role, she once again donned the flowing wig as Zuul, asking the other guests if they were the key master. In a nice touch, Hartman came on as the stage manager attempting to restore order, wearing eyeglasses which gave him a Rick Moranis sort of vibe.

My favorite sketch of the episode isn’t on YouTube; it featured Kevin Nealon, who was only a featured player this season. No Luke Null obscurity for him, he received a strong showcase in his debut. He was a subliminal advertising executive called to a meeting with his boss because his campaign was late. Using his sublimity he talked the receptionist into taking blame as well as getting a promotion & raise from the boss. He also convinced the married receptionist to go out on a date with him, throwing in the phrase “hot sex.” The character would go on to become a recurring Update correspondent, but I think it worked a lot better in sketches, interacting with other characters.

My other top two sketches both prominently featured Carvey. In one, he was a game show contestant who happened to be a psychic, therefore able to answer the questions before they were even asked. Hartman made for a great game show host.

Then there was legendary British rock star Derek Stevens attempting a comeback. He went into a meeting with his record company in which he was supposed to submit the material for his new album. He didn’t have anything, but he told the execs that he would demo the songs in person. It was clear he was making it up on the spot, such as his tale of the lady he knows chopping broccoli.

Looking at the episode listing for this season, there are so many that I remember fondly. The William Shatner episode. The one cohosted by Joe Montana & Walter Payton, which was one of the very best athlete-hosted shows. Next week I’ll look at the midseason show, which was hosted by Paul Shaffer. I honestly have few memories about that one, but knowing how well the show regained its mojo, I’m looking forward to it.

Today’s Olympic Thoughts

I promised not to overly criticize NBC’s coverage, so I’ll tread lightly here. It’s not my money to spend, but I wish that they had placed more broadcast crews on site in France rather than call events remotely from the Stamford studios. You lose so much by not being there. As an example, I was watching an archery event & a few consecutive arrows were slightly off target. The commentator speculated that the wind was likely affecting the trajectory. Had she been in Paris, she would know that for sure.

There has actually been one unexpected benefit to the remote telecasts. The NBC studio shows are obviously in Paris, but the USA & E! hosts are in Connecticut. That gives them the opportunity to have the announcers who broadcast remotely to walk the few hundred feet to provide immediate studio analysis or halftime reports on the events. That was a nice bonus. Anyhoo, this should not be an issue in 4 years; it’s a near certainty that all broadcast crews will be onsite in Los Angeles.

Two of my biggest gripes continue. NBC only haphazardly takes the time to provide a start list of competitors preceding an event or a graphic listing results upon completion. I admit this can be a challenge; with so many events happening simultaneously the network sometimes has no choice but to quickly jump to a different venue. I still insist that such basic info should be mandatory. I also realize that advertising pays the bills; commercial interruptions are part of the deal. It doesn’t help that many sports don’t have natural breaks in the action where ad breaks can easily fit in. Still, NBC makes odd timing choices and they constantly do it in one sport in particular. In beach volleyball the teams switch sides on the court after every 7 points, with a technical timeout after the 21st point. Yet, over and over again NBC goes to break after the 14th point. That means action is taking place while in commercial. It’s already somewhere around point 19 when the feed returns, so viewers only get to see 2 or 3 points played live. I don’t see why they refuse to wait those extra few minutes before the ad break.

I don’t want to get too negative, so let me offer a salute to an analyst who was been part of Olympic broadcasts for ages. Diving commentator Cynthia Potter has been doing this for so long that her first Olympic broadcast was with ABC, way back in 1984. She actually missed the next 2 Olympics; NBC did not use her for the first time until Atlanta 1996. But she has been a constant since then, and has been the ideal expert commentator. Diving isn’t a completely alien sport to American viewers in the way that many other Olympic sports are, but it is largely ignored for the other 3 years & 11 1/2 months. What experts in those sports need to do is explain to the audience what they need to look out for without condescending down to them. If you’ve watched enough diving you know that if you see a big splash it means that the diver missed their dive. Beyond that, it’s hard for most of us to judge the difference between a dive that gets a 7 & one that gets an 8. Potter was not only an Olympic diver but a judge as well, so she can immediately see whatever minute flaws determine point deductions. It seems nitpicky, but pointing out slight arching of the back or separation of the legs fully informs the viewer why one dive is scored higher than another. Her best work comes in the final round of dives. She has done the math so when the competitor is on the board she will say “they need 8’s to clinch a medal” and then declare at the moment in which the diver has hit the water if they will get those necessary scores or not. Oddly enough, Potter appears to have abruptly retired in the middle of these Olympics. I certainly hope there are no health reasons for that sudden departure. That is going to be a huge loss.

This weekend will see the introduction - and possible sole appearance - of breakdancing to the Olympic program. Looking at the format it promises to either be incredibly exciting or a train wreck; no middle ground. Competitors will compete side by side and the judges will simply decide which was better & will therefore move on to the next round. They don’t have the ability to prepare routines ahead of time either; they don’t choose their own music, a DJ will lay down their chosen beats instead. In addition, the athletes are not competing under their own names; the are to be introduced and listed in the record books under their stage names. The ghost of Avery Brundage is cringing in whichever corner of hell he currently resides.

Um, What?

The Olympics have basically monopolized my attention for these two weeks, so I’ve only been glancing at other news stories out of the corner of my eye. I will say that it did not take long for Tim Walz to vault to the top of my preference list for the running mate sweepstakes. (Thank you for listening to me, Madam Vice President.)

On a related note, how could I not take a second look at the latest RJK Jr. news? The most baked stoner alive could not have come up with a Mad Lib as bonkers as the dead bear cub story. Years ago Bill Simmons introduced the concept of the Tyson Zone. The number of insane stories surrounding Mike Tyson’s personal behavior meant that he had reached a point where the most bizarre scenario one could conceive would sound almost plausible coming from Tyson. Kennedy is assuredly in that territory. Could any story from his past come out of the woodwork that you wouldn’t think “sounds about right” no matter how bonkers it is? Driving a dead bear to New York with the intention of eating it? OK. Leaving it in your car trunk while eating a meal at Peter Luger’s? Sure. Deciding to stage a fake crime scene with the corpse? Of course, what else would he do with it? Just imagine what’s going to come out next week. Actually, forget I said that. No matter what you imagine, it will be nothing compared to reality.

The Streaming Orphans - Buffalo Bill

One of the unfortunate ramifications of a show not appearing on any streaming services is that it often creates an out of sight, out of mind situation. (Quick pause to acknowledge that this selection is another show for which the episodes are on YouTube, so it is available to watch.) When Dabney Coleman recently died, not all of his obituaries mentioned what might have been the top highlight of his career, a show that was well ahead of its time.

When Buffalo Bill premiered in 1983, it was exceptionally rare for the lead character of a TV series to be so unapologetically unlikable. Bill Bittinger was the host of a successful talk show in Buffalo. Expanding on the types of scoundrels that he had recently played on 9 to 5 & Tootsie, Bill was an egotistical misogynist who mistreated everyone in his orbit and seemed to have no redeeming features. And yet, the show was absolutely entertaining, helped by the fact that Coleman was surrounded by an impressive supporting cast.

The cast was filled with solid veterans (John Fiedler & Joanna Cassidy) future valuable sitcom supporting players (Max Wright, Charlie Robinson, & Meshach Taylor) & a future Oscar winner (Geena Davis.) Their time on this show well prepared both Wright (the besieged dad from ALF) and Robinson (the eye-rolling clerk from Night Court) for their future roles. Their roles on Buffalo Bill were almost embryonic versions of the characters for whom they would soon become more well known for.

As irredeemable as Bill was, if you dig deep you can almost understand why he was the way he was. A big fish in a small pond, he certainly felt that he deserved to work in a larger market than Buffalo, neglecting to understand that although he might be talented enough for a better opportunity he just wasn’t worth the headache. He could get away with his crap in Buffalo because he was generating enough money to make it worthwhile.

Buffalo Bill only lasted for 2 lowly rated seasons from 1983-84. NBC chair Brandon Tartikoff once claimed that cancelling Buffalo Bill was his greatest regret. Remember, at the time NBC was mired in last place in the ratings. The network kept such low rated yet highly acclaimed shows as Cheers & Hill Street Blues on the schedule for the prestige, but it was probably asking too much to keep this one alive as well. (Cheers didn’t really take off in the ratings until The Cosby Show’s high tide lifted all boats on NBC’s Thursday schedule.)

It’s always useful to remember that ratings success or failure does not necessarily match up with a show’s quality or lack thereof. Television audiences in 1983 weren’t quite ready for something like Buffalo Bill. Now that shows led by antiheroes are a major element in Prestige TV, I’d like to believe it would have had a better chance at success in the current atmosphere. This was a great one; I’d love to live in a timeline where it could have the audience it deserved to have.

Closing Laughs

That does it for today. Thanks to one & all for your support. We’ll be right here again on Friday. Same bat time. Same bat channel. See you then.