Do Call It A Comeback
There are 3 very encouraging comebacks of varying progressions that are wonderful to see. The big one of course is Liam Hendriks. The White Sox closer was diagnosed with non-Hodgkins lymphoma this offseason, but the team notably did not place him on the 60-day IL as the season began, leading everyone to believe that his treatment was going so well that the possibility existed that he could return sooner. Last week Hendriks announced that he had completed his final round of chemo and that he is now cancer free.
That’s only the first step in his return, but it’s a significant one. Who knows how much he has been able to work out during his treatment, and more significantly how ready his arm may be at this point. Regardless of how long the next few steps will take, this is terrific news. Everyone who watched it will fondly remember his appearance in the 2021 All-Star Game. He was mic’d up on the mound, but his receiver wasn’t working properly so he believed his mic wasn’t functioning either. As a result, he didn’t censor himself and audiences got to hear plenty of cussing in an Aussie accent as he pitched an inning. Looking forward to seeing his return.
Another player whose comeback appeared to be far enough in the distance that a 60-day IL sting made sense was Bryce Harper, but once again the Phillies thought there was enough of a chance that he could return sooner that it made sense to keep him on the 40-man roster. It’s paying off as his rehab from Tommy John surgery is in its final stages. Obviously as a position player he can come back from TJ much more quickly than a pitcher does, particularly since he will initially limit himself to DHing. But he’s even been taking some grounders at first base to give the team some more future options. Defensive work is still a ways away, but his bat appears to be just about ready. He could potentially return as soon as early May; if he does that will be the fastest return any player has ever made from Tommy John surgery.
Finally, the Rockies activated Daniel Bard following his IL stint as he dealt with anxiety. Here’s hoping that the time off that he took is what he needed to get himself right. Any time a professional athlete publicly affirms that they need assistance in dealing with their mental health, it helps to reduce societal stigma. Already this season Austin Meadows and Trevor May have also gone on the IL with mental health related issues. One can only imagine how many players from earlier generations had been suffering in silence but did not feel comfortable enough to seek help.
SNL Retro Recap
Note to self: It’s only 13 episodes, it’s only 13 episodes. You can do this.
The Jean Doumanian season of SNL was much maligned, but she did find the perfect solution to a long standing problem with the show that she doesn’t get enough credit for. Cast members are less likely to break in the middle of a sketch if there’s nothing funny enough to cause them to laugh. Strong outside the box thinking there. Seriously, there were multiple moments in Update in which the jokes were met with complete silence from the audience.
There’s a good reason that Elliott Gould was chosen to host the season 6 premiere with a whole new cast. Even though his stardom had already begun to wane by 1980, he had a strong connection with the early days of the show, becoming one of the very first to qualify for the 5-timers club. Younger audiences may only know him from his portrayal of Monica & Ross’ dad, as well as from the Oceans trilogy, but he was a big deal in the 70s.
To the episode’s credit, they immediately addressed the elephant in the room. The cold open began with Gould in bed with Gail Matthius (congratulations to her for being the first newbie to appear on screen) describing her as a cross between Gilda and Jane. The camera pulls back to reveal Charles Rocket in the same bed, and by the time the sketch ends all 6 cast members are in the huge bed; each having been dubbed as a cross between ____ and ____. It’s not that it was funny, but it at least acknowledged that the viewing audience was going to naturally compare everyone to the original cast, so why not steer directly into that skid. For the record, Denny Dillon had the honor of reading the “live from New York” line.
Rewatching this episode for the first time since its initial airing I was shocked over how many sketches I clearly remembered. Perhaps the lack of any wit had traumatized me so much that it had permanently seared itself into my memory. But boy, was this awful. So much of the show seems like it was written by a horny 15 year old boy giggling to himself. The showcase sketch involved Jimmy Carter in the Oval Office sitting in disbelief that he lost the election. Rosalyn reminds him that they intentionally threw the race so that they can once again enjoy a robust sex life. She slowly unbuttons her blouse while saying, “It was either the election or the erection.”
Even worse was a talk show discussing gays in the military. Joe Piscopo’s officer revealed that there is now a “gay brigade” stationed, of course, at Fort Dix. And there was also a breast cancer PSA in which Matthius instructed the audience how to give a self exam. The joke was that network censors covered her torso with a black bar, so I when she said “if this looks like this see a doctor immediately” no one could see what she was describing. That sketch only lasted a minute or two but it seemed interminable.
And the less said about Update the better. Anchor Charles Rocket was going for a Chevy Chase vibe with a lot of mugging and eyebrow raising, but it grew tiresome at a record pace and not one joke landed. The correspondent pieces were also weak. There was a field report in which third party candidate John Anderson was attempting to enter the White House grounds insisting that he had won; none of his staff had the heart to tell him the truth. Rocket filmed a piece at the Dakota, attempting to get info from the building staff about the upcoming John Lennon album. That one was not only painfully unfunny, but it felt so off putting to watch knowing what would happen at that location in another month. Finally, Gilbert Gottfried appeared as a conspiracy monger insisting that President-Elect Reagan had actually been dead for some time and was simply being propped up.
The only moment that stood out came from one of the later sketches - a nose wrestling competition. Wendie Malick appeared as a background extra. Seeing unexpected appearances from then-unknowns may provide some entertainment; from what I understand Laurie Metcalf also pops up later on in the season.
I’m intentionally not going to read ahead to see when he appears for the first time, but Eddie Murphy cannot arrive quickly enough. And it’s also a shame that the musical performances don’t appear in the Peacock episodes. Kid Creole & the Coconuts were this week’s guest; next week is Captain Beefheart. Either would have been a welcome respite from the cringeworthy comedy that filled up the show. Next week’s host is noted comedian Malcolm McDowell. Should be another laugh riot.
Songs Of Surrender
I finally got around to listening to the “new” U2 album in which they re-recorded 40 songs spanning their entire career. Is it snarky to say that Songs Of Surrender is an apropos title, as they seem to have raised a white flag? Perhaps. The best thing I can say about it is that it’s not a bad album as much as it’s an unnecessary one.
This isn’t a Taylor Swift situation in which she’s remaking her early material in order to essentially take it back from a record company for whom she feels disdain. U2 have redone the arrangements on their songs. Ideally this would be an opportunity to really rework the songs to try to find something new, but that’s not what they did. For the most part they simply slowed down the tempos. There is value to be found in stripping a song down to its most basic elements; a spotlight shines on the quality of the song itself rather than the strength of the production, and this album does demonstrate their supreme craftsmanship as songwriters. But it doesn’t really justify the existence of this new collection. The one standout track for me is the one that does the most tinkering to differentiate itself from the original; the new version of Two Hearts Beat As One makes it sound like an entirely different song. If only more of the album took chances like this. On the other end of the spectrum the new version of Desire is grating. Whoever told Bono that falsetto was a good idea has a lot to answer for.
I don’t say this to pick on U2. It’s OK to try something different. A few years back I said they were moving into the Steel Wheels portion of their career and there’s nothing wrong with that. Like the Stones, they have had a magnificent career, but it’s been ages since they’ve put out a great album or even a truly standout individual song. So what? Any new album at this point is essentially treated as an impetus to go out on tour. So every few years they throw out a new batch of songs; fans give it a listen, stick it back in the collection and listen to one of their classic albums instead, and when one of the new songs finds its way into the live set it’s time for a bathroom or concession break. I’ll likely never listen to Songs Of Surrender again, but Achtung Baby will always be in my heavy rotation.
The Loss Of The Blue Checkmarks
Even by the standards of what we’ve come to expect from Twitter in the Elon Era, this past weekend was spectacularly amusing. Friday saw the long-promised removal of the legacy blue checkmarks. The only way to retain the checkmark would be to pony up the $8 per month to subscribe to Twitter Blue. As was pointed out for weeks that shows a complete misunderstanding of what those marks are intended to symbolize.
Musk and his minions apparently believe they are a status symbol, but they’re actually a form of protection. A user can follow a public figure with the verification used as an assurance that it is the actual person. And it protects Twitter from legal liability; the verification cuts down on imposters. Finally, as long as a user is careful to watch for the blue checks they know they are getting news from a reputable source, particularly during a major event. I dread to think what the presidential election may look like with so many parody accounts paying their $8 and then spreading rumors.
Now, under the subscription model people are using the check mark precisely as that sort of status symbol; one which is unearned. In the preceding weeks I have seen so many people I follow eagerly awaiting the removal of the checks so that they would no longer be mistakenly lumped in with those people searching for thirst traps, and there was much joy on Friday as they finally disappeared.
Suddenly, these blue checks became scarlet (aqua?) letters and all of the value was gone. Twitter had turned into a game of How Pathetic Is This Person? as everyone searched to see which public figures were pathetic enough to purchase prestige as well as which trolls purchased the marks and could therefore be blocked. Eventually people started to notice that public figures such as LeBron James and Stephen King still had their checkmarks. Once they put 2 & 2 together it was obvious what was happening. Musk was trying to embarrass his biggest critics by giving them checkmarks that they no longer wanted. He eventually fessed up and admitted that he had “gifted” blue subscriptions to a few chosen public figures.
As the day went on the pushback continued. As more people realized how meaningless their Twitter Blue status had become, the standard “you can pay $8 for coffee, but you won’t pay $8 for Twitter?” criticism emerged. Celebrities were accused of being cheap for refusing to pay. It reached its peak with Jason Whitlock. He expanded upon the usual $8 isn’t that much argument by saying that he spends $8 a day on toilet paper. Yikes, he needs to see a doctor pronto. It brought back memories of Trump complaining about low water pressure by saying multiple flushes were needed to get everything down. TMI, dude.
That was just a warmup for Saturday. The #blocktheblue hashtag took off as it became clear that the type of people paying the fee are exactly the type of people no one wants clogging up their timelines. In response, the legacy marks largely returned; this after the majority of the holders affirmed they no longer want them. Word spread that the way to lose the marks would be to change one’s username. Then the mark would vanish and a simple quick switch back to one’s original username would restore the previous status. The most hilarious part of the day involved Dril, who really promoted #blocktheblue. His checkmark returned; so he did the username switch trick. But Musk kept on restoring the mark, followed by Dril changing his name again, Musk responding, etc. It went on for hours and it was glorious.
So to summarize, ordinary people were bamboozled into paying a monthly fee for a status that prominent people (who didn’t want it in the first place) were granted as a gift. Also, I’m no lawyer but I have to believe that if someone wanted to make Musk’s life difficult they could file some sort of false advertising claim as the profiles explicitly state that Hypothetical Famous Person paid for the service, which implies an endorsement, when that person clearly did not. But please, tell me again that Elon Musk is a 12th level business genius.
That was funny; this wasn’t. As part of the restoration, those blue checkmarks also returned to the accounts of multiple deceased celebrities. Their profile pages stated that they paid for the status and provided their phone numbers as ID verification. It was bad enough to see unwanted statuses imposed on the accounts of the likes of Norm MacDonald and Chadwick Boseman; it was offensive to see Jamal Khashoggi have a blue badge on his account.
It continues to be astonishing to see how rapidly he is sucking all of the value out of Twitter. That made last week’s test of the new SpaceX rocket an apt metaphor. Make no mistake, space exploration is difficult. Generations ago JFK said we intend to go the moon not because it’s easy, but because it’s hard. That is why so many unmanned tests are done before putting humans in the rockets. But the SpaceX response to the explosion contained a real “we meant to do that” vibe, stating that the test was a success until it exploded. And there are claims that there was not enough preparation for a failure as there was a larger than acceptable debris spread following the explosion. If anything, though, at least we have been introduced to the term “rapid unscheduled disassembly.”
Coda
Thanks again for reading, and here’s hoping that the pollen isn’t too bad for you all this year so far. Have a great day and see you on Wednesday.