NBA Season Game #82, It’s Fantastic!

The Season Ends With Both a Bang & a Whimper

The final day of an NBA season is generally pretty unusual. The tanking teams have long since shut out the lights, giving major minutes to players who are usually seated at the far end of the bench. Teams that have solidified their playoff position give their top stars a breather in preparation for the postseason marathon. And teams that are in the playoffs yet don’t yet know their exact seeding need to decide if it’s really worth it to go all out in the hopes of moving up a spot. So you could legitimately remove the bench for the final game and set up lounge chairs instead as it’s not exactly a high intensity kind of day.

Which is why it was odd to see so much chippiness yesterday. Mason Plumlee and Bones Hyland got into a skirmish on the Clippers bench, but that barely registered because it was nothing compared to what happened earlier in the day in Minnesota. Jaden McDaniels punched a wall in the tunnel in frustration, but he only succeeded in fracturing his hand and knocking himself out for what will likely be a very brief Timberwolves’ postseason run. That’s partially because the day also contained a more consequential punch thrown by a Timberwolf.

Kyle Anderson & Rudy Gobert got into a shouting match on the bench during a timeout, with Gobert taking a swing at his teammate. The team sent Gobert home at halftime; Gobert quickly apologized on Twitter, but the damage was done. I’m sure all parties will eventually make peace; with the years and money left on Gobert’s contract the team has no choice but to do so. I don’t think there’s enough time to make nice and salvage this season. Minnesota placed 8th in the conference, which means they only need to win one game in the play-in to qualify for the actual playoffs. With the bad vibes surrounding the team that might be a tall order.

And while I’m on the subject of the playoffs, there’s one big flaw with the format. The Miami Heat had the 7th best record in the Eastern Conference, which puts them in the play-in. They won the Southeast Division, however. No matter how mediocre that division was this year, it seems as if a division champ should automatically qualify; perhaps make any division leader one of the top 4 seeds? If not, why even bother having divisions? Why not simply divide the league into the 2 conferences and do the simple 1-15 ranking in each?

SNL Recap

It was a predictably upbeat episode this week. Molly Shannon clearly had a great time hosting, and the cast showed obvious joy in working with her. Unfortunately as is the case too often this season the quality of the material was subpar. She gave callbacks to two of the more notable recurring characters from her time as a cast member. She briefly did the “Superstar!” move at the end of her monologue, and she surprisingly pulled the old red suit out of the wardrobe closet to return as Sally O’Malley, appearing as the new choreographer for the Jonas Brothers as they attempt to appeal to a more mature audience. I had mentioned on Friday that I personally prefer her more subtle character work to her more over the top bits, but she certainly came to the conclusion that if you’re returning to Studio 8H, it’s better to play it big. The Martin Short cameo proved that idea further. She did also resurrect one of the more subdued characters from her old SNL playbook, as her old Jeannie Darcy standup comic character returned in a pre-filmed piece promoting a Netflix special which also featured a new array of cast impressions. Ego as Arsenio Hall! Punkie as Wanda Sykes! Chloe as Sarah Silverman!

My affection for Shannon made me wish that there would have been stronger highlights this week, so I’m hard pressed to choose a best sketch this time. I’ll probably go with the office baby shower sketch, as Shannon portrayed a pregnant office worker celebrating her impending birth with her coworkers, who tell her how much they will miss her while she’s on maternity leave. Let’s just say that the shower takes a turn.

The runner up was the sketch in which Heidi’s playwright sits in the audience with her boyfriend Devon for the opening of her latest autobiographical play. Heidi also introduced a new Update character, as everyone’s extremely overworked coworker. It doesn’t break new ground, but she is so good at portraying that character type. Update also gave us Bowen adding another entry in his bitchy character list as he portrayed Jafar, and Punkie appeared as Angel Reese. Both were OK, but not much to write home about.

Special mention also must be made to the cold open. It started as a Last Supper sketch, until Orange Man interrupted to throw another one of his pity parties. What made it stand out is that while he was droning on, the cast remained frozen in place in the background maintaining the poses from the DaVinci painting. At first I thought they might have snuck in a matte background, but once I caught Bowen blinking, it was clear that they were actually holding themselves in place for those several minutes. Pretty impressive. I can imagine what would have happened if this sketch had run during the Jimmy Fallon era. He would have ruined the entire sketch by doing his “aren’t I adorable?” bit and cracking up in the background.

Next week Ana de Armas makes her hosting debut as the season begins to approach the stretch drive. That one could go either way.

Time To Pull Out The Jump To Conclusions Mat

You may have heard this phrase once or twice, but a major league season is a marathon, not a sprint. Actually, that’s not entirely accurate. In a marathon race, it’s crucial to maintain contact with the lead pack. Even the most accomplished long distance runner is likely toast if he or she falls back from the leaders as early as the 5 mile mark, but in a long baseball season it’s possible to go on a long winning streak & make up a lot of ground. It’s still not a good idea to dig too big of a hole too early, but it takes a while for panic time to truly begin.

With each team only having played around 10 games or so, there’s a long way to go. We’re still in the portion of the season that’s filled with snarky “he’s on a pace to do this” jokes, and hopefully we’ve all been trained well enough that we understand the concept of small sample sizes. It will be at least a month until enough games have been played that we can get an accurate idea of how team’s and individual player’s seasons are going.

I’m old enough to remember the pre-internet era, when the best way to get baseball stats came from the weekly listing in the Sunday paper sorted by best to worst batting average. “Wow, Rich Dauer is hitting over .400. Can he keep up this pace?” Fun fact, that’s how the phrase “Mendoza Line” was popularized. In 1980, George Brett made a comment about how you don’t want to be found below Mario Mendoza on that listing. Mendoza’s teammates had made a similar joke the season before, but Brett’s joke helped make it a national tell-all catchphrase to describe mediocrity.

Basically, everyone still needs to take a chill pill. Stats on either extreme don’t mean much at this point. It’ll be a different story is a player or team is still having an unusually great or poor season a month from now.

The Most Original Of The Original Mets

One of Casey Stengel’s more notable quotes came following the expansion draft that stocked the initial Mets roster back in 1961 after the team made a catcher its first overall choice. Stengel noted that you need a catcher, otherwise you’ll have a lot of passed balls. Can’t argue with that logic.

That catcher, who essentially was the very first Met, was Hobie Landrith. Landrith passed away earlier last week. He was your classic backup catcher, spending 14 years in the majors while only managing to appear in as many as 100 games twice. The Mets have had hundreds of players over the course of their history, some much more notable than others. But there can only be one first. Hobie Landrith will always have his own place in history.

“What Time Does The Game Start?” “What Time Can You Make It?”

It’s going to be fascinating to keep an eye on the Oakland A’s this season. Management decimated the roster this offseason, and RingCentral Coliseum is arguably the most inadequate stadium in the major leagues. Combine that with the fact that ownership is not hiding the fact that they are likely on their way to Vegas once the lease expires after 2024, and there is little reason for fans to attend games this season. Attendance figures have been predictably low in this early portion of the season. A game against Cleveland drew only around 3,400 fans. I can’t see it improving much even when kids are out of school.

This brings back memories of the nadir the franchise leased in the late 70s. In that dark period after all of the great players from the Swinging A’s dynasty departed via free agency and before the Rickey Henderson/Billy Martin revival, it was an uninteresting last place team with attendance figures to match. One infamous game had an attendance of only 250. That’s not a typo. Things aren’t going to get that bad this year no matter how awful the team’s record is going to be, but I still imagine that Oakland home games will be one of the most depressing spots on the planet this summer. Good times.

Murder Is Now Legal In Texas

The party that has made a hero out of Kyle Rittenhouse is at it again. Texas Governor Greg Abbott says he is pushing to pardon a man who was convicted of murder last week for killing a man at a BLM protest in 2020. Mind you, the killer had posted on his Facebook page that he “might try to kill a few people on my way to work.” Sure sounds a tad premeditated to me.

The GOP sure loves to brand itself as the party of law & order yet at the same time seems to be strangely accepting of certain crimes. That takes a special level of nerve. The man was tried and convicted by a jury of his peers, but Abbott is eager to get him back on the street ASAP. Keep this in mind the next time you hear someone criticize bail reform.

Let’s Start Another Week Right

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