Greatest Song Evah 9/27/24
White Lines (Don’t Do It)
I had mentioned in a previous post that hearing Rock Box for the first time is what turned me into a hip-hop fan. It was a different song from a year earlier that laid the groundwork for that fandom, White Lines.
This one has had a bit of a tortured history when it comes to artist credit. It was initially billed to Grandmaster Flash & Melle Mel, but by this time the relationship between the two had become acrimonious and in actuality Flash doesn’t contribute much to this track. It is now officially credited as a Melle Mel solo tune.
The Message is generally credited as the song which really moved hip hop forward, but it didn’t make much of an impact in my circles. Yes, it was a huge hit in New York, but I was in a bubble at the time. It didn’t hit the Top 40, and it wasn’t getting any airplay on the radio stations that I was listening to. White Lines, on the other hand, did find its way into my radar and made an immediate impression on me, beginning with that hypnotic bass line supplied by Doug Wimbish.
The lyrics condemn the cocaine lifestyle while at the same time acknowledging its attraction. It also illustrates the two tiered justice system. The street kid is gonna do some time, but the businessman who gets caught will be out on bail and out of jail. The duality of the song is exemplified by the song’s coda, which constantly repeats the word “don’t” in the phrase “don’t do it” so many times that are all sorts of double and triple negatives cancelling each other out.
As much of a landmark as this song is, it was a bit of a last gasp for Melle Mel. Like most of the first generation MC’s he didn’t benefit much from the eventual commercial explosion of hip hop. Later generations revere him, and he has long been a much-respected elder statesman of hip hop. It’s not unlike a band like The Ramones, who blazed a trail for other artists but didn’t benefit personally all that much. I once attended a music convention and one of the panels was a battle of MC’s in a bracket tourney format. If memory serves correctly, Melle Mel defeated Grandmaster Caz for the title. It was cool to see, albeit a bit sad. He deserved better than to participate in a glorified game show like that.
Reviewing Olympic Sports
Handball - I know I’m a broken record on this, but I can’t repeat it often enough. Handball needs to be a more popular sport in America. It’s exciting! And more crucially, our country is overflowing with athletes who have the perfect skill set to thrive in this sport. It’s fallen into that vicious cycle. Because the United States has no history of success in the sport, NBC barely covers it. Therefore, few people look at it, think “hmm, this looks interesting” and take up playing it. Therefore, there’s no pipeline of talent. Therefore, America continues to be a non-factor in the sport. And so on. And so on.
Host nations automatically qualify for team sports in the Olympics, so the only times that American teams have participated in handball have been in Olympiads that take place here - such as Los Angeles 2028. The history is clear, both the men’s and women’s teams will go winless in pool play and that will be it. I really think we could do so well if we make a commitment. Hire some prominent coaches from Europe with the promise that they will have the resources to build a strong and sustainable program. Send scouts to universities and introduce basketball players that are not quite good enough to have professional futures to the sport of handball. I see no reason why the United States can’t eventually assemble handball teams as strong as the volleyball and water polo teams traditionally are.
Hockey (Field) - For generations there was a sharp contrast in the perception of field hockey between the United States and the rest of the world. Long before the increase of participation in women’s sports, field hockey was treated as THE girl’s sport. It was that or nothing for female athletes. I think that for most Americans the thought that men participated in field hockey was inconceivable. Yet, women’s hockey was not introduced to the Olympics until 1980. Like the vast majority of sports back then, it was essentially a no girls allowed clubhouse.
Field hockey is another sport that I pay little attention to; I’m not a big fan of ice hockey to begin with, and since there are plenty of similarities between the two, I find no reason to watch the field version. This always strikes me when I do - it almost physically hurts me to watch. Field hockey sticks are only around 3 feet long, considerably shorter than an ice hockey stick. As a result, the players are constantly hunching as they run the field. I can only imagine the levels of back pain they develop over the course of a career.
Presented Without Comment
Today’s Updates
The White Sox have suddenly become an unstoppable juggernaut. After sweeping the Angels they are assured of finishing with a higher win percentage than the 1916 Philadelphia A’s. So, even though barring another sweep this weekend they will still finish with more losses than the 1962 Mets, they won’t have the worst overall record of any post-1900 team. It’s too bad for them; the season ends just when they were getting hot.
The less said about the Mets/Braves debacle, the better. Rob Manfred is apparently the only man on the planet without a weather app on his phone. Everyone else knew that Hurricane Helene has been bearing down on the southeast, had the league been more proactive they could have tweaked the schedule to have gotten at least one of the two postponed games in. Instead, both teams will have to trudge back to Atlanta to play a doubleheader on Monday, to be followed by one or both teams then going back on the road to begin the Wild Card series the following day. This was an avoidable mess, and will place both teams at a considerable competitive disadvantage once the playoffs start.
Manfred’s other shame took place in Oakland yesterday. The A’s final home game was a mournful affair. More than 50 years of history in the Bay Area are now nothing but memories. Now we’re looking at at least 3 seasons in a minor league park in Sacramento and there is still no timetable for the first shovel to hit ground in Las Vegas. No pun intended, but is anyone confident enough to place a bet that the Vegas stadium plan will actually come to fruition? Where will the A’s be playing in 2028, if it’s not Las Vegas? Great job, everyone.
The first round of the WNBA playoffs finished with 2-0 sweeps in all 4 series. That avoided the awkward situation of any decisive games needing to be played on the home court of the lower seeded team. The league needs to rethink this format. I know that in the past coaches complained about a 1-2 format. They felt that it puts too much of a disadvantage on the higher seed; they would need to win game 1 on the road to avoid facing elimination in game 2. The league isn’t yet on strong enough financial footing to go with a 1-1-1 format. I think the W should do 1 of 2 things. Either make the first round a best of 5 with a 2-2-1 format, or do what MLB does in the wild card round - have the higher seed host the entire series.
The first round brought an end to Caitlin Clark’s rookie season, as well as a likely end to Diana Taurasi’s career. Taurasi continues to play it coy, so I’ll hold off on talking about her further until she confirms that she is in fact retiring. As it is, we’ve got the clear 4 best teams in the league still alive, and if it’s star power you want, 8 of the 12 players from the most recent US Olympic team are also playing on. I’m sticking with the Liberty as my pick to win it all, but the Lynx also look like a really tough out.
The Ceremony Begins To Take Shape
The Rock & Roll Hall Of Fame induction is 3 weeks away, and the Hall has officially announced the first batch of performers and presenters. Most noteworthy is the fact that Cher is listed among the inductees who will be performing; Ozzy Osbourne as of now is not, but he has been transparent about his health issues potentially preventing him from performing. As expected, A Tribe Called Quest are not performing either. Otherwise, all of the other living inductees are set to perform, including Dionne Warwick, who is entering under one of the side categories.
The only artist/presenter combo that I have seen confirmation on is that Dua Lipa will perform as part of the Cher induction. Beyond that, let the speculation fly. Kenny Chesney seems like an obvious choice for Jimmy Buffett. Method Man and Dr. Dre both look certain to honor Mary J. Blige; Busta Rhymes feels like the clear person to induct ATCQ. What else? Slash/Peter Frampton? Sammy Hagar/Ozzy? Lots of possibilities, and we’ll see which additional names will be announced before the ceremony.
SNL Preview
Perhaps you have heard that this is SNL’s 50th season. It’s been in all the papers. After months, if not years, of anticipation, the milestone year begins tomorrow. I feel both excitement and trepidation. All involved with the show are certain to pull out all of the stops to make it a special season. On the other hand, it’s just as certain that there will be a larger than normal number of surprise cameos sucking a lot of the oxygen out of the room at the expense of the actual cast of the show. With 5 episodes set to air before Election Day, brace yourself for LOTS of political material. We already know that Maya Rudolph is coming back to portray Kamala Harris. Will Lorne Michaels also bring in ringers to act as Tim Walz and JV Vance? And I swear, if Alec Baldwin shows up in an orange wig whilst making a fish face, there will be heck to pay. Say a little prayer for the 3 new featured players; fighting for stage time as a newbie is brutal enough as it is. Add to that the fact that the show will need to carve out time for old friends of Lorne who just happen to be in town that week and…
With that out of the way, I’m very excited to see Jean Smart host. She has paid her dues, and is one of the current top dogs in this business we call show. She even has two degrees of separation from an SNL OG. Her Hacks costar, Hannah Einbender, is Laraine Newman’s daughter. The possibility of working that connection into a Newman cameo is one that I would welcome. Jelly Roll will be the musical guest. Let’s do this.
The Missing Content
This was a fun read about some of the many classic SNL sketches that can’t be found because of, repeat after me, music licensing fees. You’re well aware that this is a topic I have found frustrating in my SNL rewatch. In one episode that I watched Jan Hooks & Nora Dunn were still in their Sweeney Sisters costumes during the closing goodbyes. I thought to myself “I liked those sketches. It would have been fun to see.” There’s a lot of exceptional content that not only is it not on Peacock, but can’t even be found on YouTube. Some of the material can be found on shady websites that are probably originating from a dusty server located in Eastern Europe. Is it really worth risking inadvertently downloading malware to watch a funny sketch?
Anyhoo, the linked article offers some suggestions for a separate special consisting of precisely many of these sketches. I suppose the thought is that paying those fees for a one-time airing isn’t all that cost prohibitive. I’ll add a few more choices to that list: Bu’Wheat Sings. The male synchronized swimmers. Madonna on Wayne’s World. The hurdles of splurging on fully intact product with the original music perfectly leads into the next item.
The Streaming Orphans - WKRP In Cincinnati
I have saved the best for last by wrapping up this recurring segment with what can be considered THE most prominent streaming orphan, WKRP In Cincinnati. Even before streaming became a thing, this show was prominent in the discussion about music rights fees, as the original music was scrubbed from the episodes when it was running in syndication. Needless to say music is going to be heavily featured in a show set at a radio station. There were several episodes in which specific musical cues were crucial to the plot; replacing those songs with generic instrumental music did not cut it. (I’ll pause one final time to note that many of the episodes are on YouTube. I haven’t checked any of them to see if these uploads contain the original music or the replacements, so let the buyer beware.)
WKRP is one of the more beloved shows from its era. The old Jump the Shark website had a section titled “never jumped” and WKRP was one of the shows listed there. It’s also a show that I love unabashedly. (I still have a WKRP promotional poster hanging on my living room wall.) When it premiered in 1978 the networks were still run by an older generation that tended to scoff at rock music, so even though shows at the time were starting to be written and produced by people who grew up as rock fans, the decision makers were not. WKRP was one of the earliest shows that gave the music its proper respect. I also gained a second appreciation when I started working in college radio while the show was still running in syndication; not to equate my experiences with those of a professional radio station, but this was an atmosphere familiar to me.
WKRP veered slightly from its original premise. In its earliest episodes it was somewhat of a generation gap comedy - or as it was once phrased a battle between the dungarees and the suits. It was quickly obvious that the characters were too likable for anyone to be a true antagonist - even Herb, whose 1970’s era chauvinism would not fly today - so it was soon more of a classic workplace as surrogate family comedy.
And what a wonderful set of characters it was. Andy was your basic bland lead character whose purpose was to ground things. He was surrounded by a spectacular band of loonies. Who didn’t love Les Nessman, 5-time winner of the Buckeye Newshawk Award, as well as the coveted Silver Sow Award? Or Dr. Johnny Fever, a DJ who had bounced around so many radio stations with so many different on-air nicknames that he had all of his past alter egos engraved on his coffee cup as a reminder?
WKRP also provided Generation X’s very own Ginger v Mary Ann conundrum, with Loni Anderson’s Jennifer and Jan Smithers’ Bailey. For the record, I was Team Bailey all the way. She had an awkward vibe about her that was endearing in its own way; she didn’t realize how attractive she was, which served to make her seem even more attractive. In an odd way it also helps that Smithers quit acting and retreated from the public eye soon after WKRP’s cancellation. She is forever preserved in mind’s eye as a latter day hippy chick.
Another aspect of WKRP that I admire is that it handled Very Special Episodes better than almost any show ever did. Two examples: One of the biggest tragedies in rock history was a stampede before a 1979 concert in Cincinnati by The Who which resulted in 11 deaths. As a show based in Cincinnati and theoretically set in the real world it was necessary to address the event, which they did with sensitivity. Years later there was an episode which used the Moral Majority backlash as a backdrop. A Jerry Falwell stand in provided a list of songs that he wanted removed from the airwaves. Johnny & Adam convinced Mr. Carlson to fight back against the censorship. The episode ended on a down note; the preacher convinced several advertisers to pull their spots, including longtime sponsor Red Wiggler, The Cadillac Of Worms. It ended with the WKRP staff defiantly pledging to keep up the good fight. Also, I’m not sure if this qualifies as a Very Special Episode, but there was a great one in which Venus (who used to be a teacher) uses those teaching skills to keep the son of the station’s cleaning lady from getting involved with gangs. That was very clever and well played.
There are so many other highlights, not just the legendary Thanksgiving episode. Suffice it to say it is right up there with any of the other great sitcoms of its time. I wish there was a magical way to return the show to glory with music fully intact, but sadly there is probably not a large enough audience to make it economically feasible.
I’m sure there are other terrific shows that are streaming orphans that I have overlooked; by definition a show that’s not easily accessible is more likely to fade from memory. I may revisit this if something pops into my head. In the meantime I will soon begin a new recurring feature, one that is a polar opposite. I’ve tried to spotlight some of the better shows in TV history; what about some of those that have become punchlines, or shorthand for the worst that TV has to offer? Stay tuned for Non-Peak TV.
Closing Laughs
Must not express schadenfreude over the plight of My Dips*** Mayor. Must not express schadenfreude over the plight of My Dips*** Mayor. Have a wonderful weekend everyone, and I’ll see you all again on Monday. Aloha.
